Challenging negative thought patterns is messy work. Mainly because, in my personal and professional experience, they are unconscious most of the time. How do you challenge/change something if you don’t know if/when you are doing it? It’s work, but well worth the reward and, the good news is, even the slightest challenge to a negative thought pattern can yield highly impactful results.

Paying attention

Mindfulness, journaling, therapy, sharing your intention/asking for help from someone you speak with frequently (maybe a partner, friend, or parent) are just some ways to start paying attention to our thoughts.

I do this with my partner Jen pretty frequently. I asked her to help so now she knows to simply highlight if/when I am being unnecessarily unkind/negative toward myself.

This interaction sounds a little like this “Weedy (she hasn’t called me Jay in 12+ years), can we stop for a second; I hear you being unkind and negative to/about yourself when you are talking about X. Do you want to keep talking about it or take a break”?

Space

I asked her to help me with this and because she's pretty bloody cool, she does. This is a moment of intervention that puts some space between me and my negative self-talk. I wish for everyone to give this a try in some way shape or form because it has been incredibly impactful.

Ok, so that’s my example. A frequent and classic example I hear often as a personal trainer and gym owner is “I am lazy”. Potential clients come in and state something to the effect of “I don’t work out at all. I am pretty lazy when it comes to the gym so I need you to push me/kick my ass/hold me accountable/text me at 5 am etc. etc.”

Easy to convince

The simple but powerful instance of negative self-talk (“I am lazy”) keeps them perpetuating the narrative and keeps them stuck thinking and acting accordingly. It can be very easy to convince ourselves of truth by providing evidence of it. In this scenario, we can also look to simply replace the negative with the positive. For example; seeking out, attending, and investing in a personal training session is NOT the behavior of a lazy person. And just like that, it becomes easy to convince ourselves of this positive truth by providing evidence of it instead of the negative one.

The words we use matter and so does the way we talk to ourselves with those words. Last week I talked about “I don’t” vs “I can’t” and the impact ownership and autonomy can have on our ability to make habitual behavior change.

In addition to that concept, consider that communication isn’t just about how we talk to each other - it's foundational to how we talk to ourselves too. More on this in coming articles.

Thanks!